Looking around my new, hard-earned apartment, I felt a sense of sorrow. It was as empty as my soul. An air mattress covered with my prized blanket in one corner and then nothing. Not even a reminder that someone lived here. I could visualize where each item should have gone, and saw the comfort in my familiar belongings filling the void. What would have looked fantastic the way I imagined it in my mind was not to be. Replaced by new pieces, new memories, someone else’s unwanted items. I couldn’t afford anything new.
I had no other choice, Social Media Market Place it had to be, bargain shopping at its finest. One person’s unwanted item became a trophy to me. A sign of success, of moving forward with this new life. I would message the seller of anything that caught my eye. Necessities if I were going to actually live. Alone and with no one to help me I managed to wrestle most of the pieces into the apartment myself. Occasionally I had to wave down a stranger passing by and offer them a few bucks to help me get the larger items into my place. Everyone I approached was happy to help. Their kindness, a stark contrast to the life I had before.
Each piece found its perfect spot and in just a few weeks I had managed to entirely furnish the apartment. Everything from curtains to dishes. The only new items, two beds and a couch. I hesitated to get anything upholstered, wary of bugs. I had what resembled a furnished apartment. Each piece had a history but now mine to create a new chapter.
The place fully furnished was nice, almost cute. I had used my creativity and did what I think was a great job rebuilding. Nothing a reminder of the life I had lost, everything there seeming to say “I’m yours now. Enjoy”. Although the place was now filled, inside I was still empty. Yearning from the old, the familiar. Pieces of me that were now gone, never to be seen again. My heart and soul were still empty, almost lonely, looking for comfort in things that were foreign.
The things that can’t be replaced still cross my mind, often. Mixed emotions from sadness to anger. Looking around my new, hard-earned apartment, I felt a sense of sorrow. It was as empty as my soul. An air mattress covered with my prized blanket in one corner and then nothing. Not even a reminder that someone lived here. I could visualize where each item should have gone. What would have looked fantastic the way I imagined it in my mind was not to be. Replaced by new pieces, new memories, someone else’s unwanted items. I couldn’t afford anything new.
I had no other choice, Social Media Market Place it had to be, bargain shopping at its finest. One person’s unwanted item became a trophy to me. I would message the seller of anything that caught my eye. Necessities if I were going to actually live. Alone and with no one to help me I managed to wrestle most of the pieces into the apartment myself. Occasionally I had to wave down a stranger passing by and offer them a few bucks to help me get the larger items into my place. Everyone I approached was happy to help. Their kindness, a stark contrast to the life I had before.
Each piece found its perfect spot and in just a few weeks I had managed to entirely furnish the apartment. Everything from curtains to dishes. The only new items, two beds and a couch. I hesitated to get anything upholstered, wary of bugs. I had what resembled a furnished apartment. Each piece had a history but now mine to create a new chapter.
The place fully furnished was nice, almost cute. I had used my creativity and did what I think was a great job rebuilding. Nothing a reminder of the life I had lost, everything there seeming to say “I’m yours now. Enjoy”.
Although the place was now filled, inside I was still empty. Yearning from the old, the familiar. Pieces of me that were now gone, never to be seen again. My heart and soul were still empty, almost lonely, looking for comfort in things that were foreign.
The things that can’t be replaced still cross my mind, often. Mixed emotions from sadness to anger. I’m surrounded by things again, but I’m still learning how to feel like I belong with them.
Turns out emptiness echoes, even in a furnished room,
K.
I'm Still Here. Somehow... 