Have you ever noticed how you hear differently depending on your mood? Not just listening to music — but what you listen for. I only realized it recently. When I’m down or upset, I hear the music more than the lyrics. The beat becomes the whole point, and the words fade into background noise. But when I’m happy, excited, or even just steady, the lyrics hit me first. They speak to me. The beat becomes something I feel instead of something I hide behind.
Maybe this is common knowledge and my battle‑scarred brain is just catching up, but I see it now every time I turn on a song. I’ve found an artist whose music feels like it was written about me — my life, my pain, my mistakes, my survival. He sings the things I need to acknowledge, the things I need to believe if I’m ever going to heal.
Somewhere between those two ways of listening — between hearing the sound and hearing the truth — I realized this wasn’t just about music. It was about where I am in my life. When I’m low, I let the noise carry me. When I’m stronger, I let the words reach me. And right now, I need words that don’t pretend healing is easy, but still give me hope that it’s possible.
These lines aren’t just lyrics to me — they’re reminders of who I was, who I am, and who I’m trying to rebuild. “I hate the woman I used to be, but she will always be a part of me.” That one hits hard. I’m trying to shed the armor from my old life, but inside, I’m still me.
“Some days it gets too hard and this world ain’t where I wanna be. I try to hide from myself.” Hiding from myself used to be my superpower. One I’m trying to evict.
“I know hopeless, I know broken, I know doors that wouldn’t open.” That’s me in a nutshell — but now I’m learning to kick the damn doors open.
And then the one that feels like a snapshot of my life: “I’ve been losing myself, I’ve been losing my mind. Standing in the rain just trying to stay dry.”
Maybe that’s the real difference in how we listen — not the music, but our willingness to hear ourselves in it. Right now, I’m choosing the lyrics over the noise. Choosing honesty over hiding. And as long as the music keeps telling the truth, I’ll keep letting it meet me where I am.
Hearing myself whether I like it or not,
K.
I'm Still Here. Somehow... 